Journal Entry – 10/04/2018

Some things happen to you in life that makes you feel useless or not worthy of anyone. Once again my depression has gone into relapse and my head is full of negative thoughts and self loafing. This is chronic depression and it has affected me for a large portion of my life. I didn’t ask to have it and I certainly don’t feel well or any better when I’m told I can ask for help, because it’s not a matter of getting someone else’s input on what I should do to better my life, since this is a battle with myself and only I know what would make me feel better.

My choice of action has always been to seclude myself and take some time off on my own. Even if that means being off of social media and cutting everyone out of my life. This can affect my interaction with the world, but it’s what makes me feel better. So there are times when I don’t write anything on my blog because I’m taking time to rest up and get my thoughts straight.

These few days, I’ve spent most of them at home doing the usual; reading comics, watching anime, browsing through YouTube and Netflix, and playing mobile games. My brother went to do his learners license test and he failed that, so now he’s at home studying again. I went out to buy some cheese, flour, macaroni and spaghetti.

Today the weather is cloudy and windy. It’s been raining all morning and it’s 11 am right now. I spent the morning making mung bean sweat soup. It’s a Chinese dessert that’s similar to the Japanese red paste paste, but it’s made with mung beans instead with some other herbs and it has a more watery consistency. Look it up if you’re interested.

I’m on the computer life now and I will be doing the usual. For lunch I plan on making some mac and cheese from scratch. I tried to make it yesterday, but it didn’t come out good and I ended up throwing most of it away. Hopefully it works out this time.

So it’s 4:21 pm right now and I have no idea what I’m gonna do for the rest of the day. Probably wait for the new Black Lightning episode to come out, and I think Shadowhunter comes out today as well? We’ll see.

The mac n cheese I made for lunch was okay, but it was so bitter. It was definitely the cheese that I used because I could smell the bitterness. I would’ve bought a block of cheese and grated it myself, but we don’t have a cheese grater(Asian household), so I bought the shredded cheese from a nearby dairy.

I’m not really a mac and cheese fan to begin with, because it’s a very heavy dish and I’m feeling sick from eating it, so it’s unlikely that I would ever go out of my way to make it again. It was also annoying when I was making the cheese sauce because the sauce became lumpy from the flour, and I just couldn’t be bothered with whisking it smooth since we also don’t have a whisk haha.

Now I’m wondering what I’m going to do with all these left over macaroni and flour. I might look up some recipes and use the flour for pancakes, but I’m definitely never making mac n cheese ever again haha.

8:17 pm, listening to songs right now. So there isn’t any update for those shows I mentioned before, I ended up just watching things on YouTube. There’s not much to do when you’re stuck at home and nothing really interests you.

I’m just gonna spend the night listening to music, ones that I haven’t listened to for a long time. I’ve been using Spotify for so long that I’ve forgot about all the songs on my computer haha.

I don’t have any plans for tomorrow, probably the usual. Kinda wondering why I bother writing journal entries when it’s basically the same thing as the day before. Literally, the only thing that’s different is what I have for lunch lol. Or the times that I actually step out of the house.

I’ll leave it here for today, don’t have anything to talk about haha. I wrote a little story of the time I switched over to using chopsticks earlier today, hope it was a good read. I might make it a thing now since my journal entries are boring to me haha. I’ll try to share some past stories, if I remember anything worth reading lol.

Talk to you later, good night.


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